Understanding the Principles of Gottman Informed Couples Counseling

Couples often face challenges that can strain their relationship, making communication and connection difficult. Gottman informed couples counseling offers a research-based approach to help partners rebuild trust, improve communication, and deepen their emotional bond. This method draws from decades of scientific study on what makes relationships succeed or fail. Understanding its core principles can empower couples to navigate conflicts more effectively and create a stronger feeling of trust and connection.

The Foundation of Gottman Informed Counseling

John Gottman, a psychologist and researcher, studied thousands of couples over 40 years to identify patterns that predict relationship success or failure. His work revealed that couples who maintain a strong friendship, manage conflict constructively, and share meaning in their lives tend to have lasting relationships.

Gottman informed counseling is built on these findings. It focuses on strengthening the friendship between partners, improving communication skills, and fostering emotional connection. The approach is practical and structured, giving couples tools they can use daily.

Key Principles of Gottman Informed Couples Counseling

Building a Sound Relationship House

Gottman describes a "Sound Relationship House" model that outlines essential components for a healthy relationship:

• Build Love Maps

Partners learn detailed knowledge about each other’s world, including hopes, fears, and daily experiences. This creates a strong emotional map that supports intimacy.

• Share Fondness and Admiration

Expressing appreciation and respect regularly helps maintain positive feelings and counters negativity.

• Turn Towards Instead of Away

Small moments of connection, like responding to bids for attention, build trust and closeness.

• Accept Influence

Partners remain open to each other’s opinions and feelings, which fosters mutual respect.

• Solve Solvable Problems

Couples learn to address issues that have clear solutions through gentle communication and compromise.

• Manage Conflict

For deeper, ongoing issues, couples develop skills to discuss differences without hostility or withdrawal.

• Create Shared Meaning

Building rituals, goals, and values together strengthens the couple’s sense of purpose.

The Four Horsemen to Avoid

Gottman identified four negative communication patterns that predict relationship breakdown. Counseling helps couples recognize and replace these behaviors:

• Criticism

Attacking a partner’s character instead of addressing a specific behavior.

• Contempt

Showing disrespect through sarcasm, eye-rolling, or mocking.

• Defensiveness

Responding to complaints with denial or counter-attacks.

• Stonewalling

Withdrawing emotionally or physically during conflict.

Replacing these with positive communication habits reduces tension and builds safety.

Practical Tools Used in Counseling

Gottman informed counseling uses exercises and assessments to guide couples:

• The Love Map Exercise

Partners answer questions about each other’s preferences, dreams, and daily life to deepen understanding.

• Stress-Reducing Conversation

Couples practice sharing feelings and listening without trying to fix problems immediately.

• Conflict Management Techniques

Therapists teach how to soften startup of discussions, take breaks when overwhelmed, and use repair attempts to de-escalate tension.

• Shared Rituals and Goals

Couples create meaningful routines or projects that enhance connection.

These tools help couples practice new skills that can realistically be applied outside of counseling sessions.

Who Benefits from Gottman Informed Counseling?

This approach suits couples at different stages:

• Those experiencing communication breakdowns

• Couples wanting to strengthen their friendship and intimacy

• Partners facing recurring conflicts or trust issues

• Couples preparing for major life changes like marriage or parenthood

  
  

Because it is research-based and skill-focused, Gottman informed counseling offers practical help rather than vague advice. It encourages active participation and ongoing growth.

Applying Gottman Principles in Daily Life

Couples can use Gottman principles outside therapy to maintain a healthy relationship:

• Regularly check in with each other about feelings and needs

• Show appreciation through small gestures or compliments

• Respond to bids for attention, even in busy moments

• Practice calm and respectful communication during disagreements

• Create shared rituals like weekly date nights or morning coffee together

  
  

These habits build resilience and deepen connection over time.

Final Thoughts on Gottman Informed Couples Counseling

At Soma Counseling and Wellness, we provide Gottman-informed couples counseling to help couples improve communication, rebuild trust, and strengthen emotional connection. Our couples therapy services support partners experiencing conflict, emotional disconnection, or relationship distress using evidence-based strategies to create lasting change. We offer couples counseling in Peachtree City, Fayetteville, Newnan, and South Metro Atlanta. If you’re seeking professional, compassionate relationship counseling, Soma Counseling and Wellness is here to help you move forward together.